the beast in me cries
Poetry
Cielo Rodriguez

i wrote and hit post / letters into words cut apart and shoved back into more letters / where the beast in me cried / she weeped for weeks on end / the room left empty but still haunted / back in february i had more than one ghost living in my apartment / it wasn’t much of a change / i had a dream where you dragged me out / by my crooked teeth and bitten nails / where the doorway smelled of peach and the burning edges of my sage stick / window open for the darkness to go out / only to seep back in through the picked locks / left bitter and fingers burned / oh but i saw your mirage / fuck, i thought maybe you were dead / but that beast! oh how / she stomped with her boots / on the linoleum with her head tall / walking past all the goldfish / still swimming around in circles in the bowl / the beast in me / eats girls like you for breakfast / those were the days where i hoped you saw her / who was too loud and stood up for herself / label me with words / tell your family whatever you want / shame on the summer child who grows / more and more each year / you’re right, i’m not one for temporary stays / “once i’m in, i’m all in,” / i said this to the earthly boy / who i know drinks a little too much / he reminds me of my father / i only see the bad parts in him now /maybe i just like a challenge / you weren’t that, though / you are burning embers in a cold fire / once the half heart began to smolder / but i assume it’s been all smoked out after that / i passed by your ghost / i can’t see her as clearly / without the rose tinted glasses / you don’t haunt me like that anymore / the beast in me no longer cries / the summer child is the willow by the lake / autumn may come and go as she pleases / but roots only grow deeper / the more that they’re watered / you wouldn’t want to see me now / summer’s on it’s way / and i’m even brighter than before.